As a continuation of yesterday's blog post on crafting the message, one concrete example below will consume today's post.
Scenario:
John is an 8th grade student in Mr. Phillips' 4th period math class. The class is 55 minutes in length. John uses the restroom everyday at approximately the same time during Mr. Phillips' class. John has even tried to ask to go to the restroom twice during the class period on several occasions. This has been ongoing for the past week and a half. Mr. Phillips decides to put his foot down, and he lets John know that he is not permitted to use the restroom during class anymore. Mr Phillips calls John's parents and tells them that John has been abusing his restroom privileges in his class, and he's not allowed to use the restroom in his class anymore. Some back and forth ensues between Mr. Phillips and John's mother. John's mother ends the call by informing Mr. Phillips that she will be calling the Principal because he is refusing her son's right to use the restroom.
I have seen some teachers and student/parent relationships strained or damaged due to interactions like these. A different approach, or crafting the message in a different way, would of yielded better results. The end result here is for John to minimize the amount of instruction time he misses.
A crafted message to the scenario:
Mr. Phillips starts to respond to John's requests for restroom use with the question, "Are you able to wait several minutes until after this part of the lesson is done because I don't want you to get behind on this material?" This doesn't deter John. Mr. Phillips talked to John's other teachers, and he discovers that John is going to the restroom in all of his other classes at approximately the same time to. Mr. Phillips decides to take the initiative to call his parents. His phone conversation with the mother goes along the following lines:
Mr. Phillips: Good morning! This is Mr. Phillips, John's math teacher.
John's Mom: Yes, good morning.
Mr. Phillips: The purpose for my call is that I am concerned for John.
John's Mom: What do you mean?
Mr. Phillips: Well, for about the past week and a half, John has been missing substantial time from my class every day because he's requested to use the restroom. I'm trying to help him stay caught up as much as possible, and since it's been going on for over a week, I just thought I'd call to see if there is any medical reasons, which I don't need details about, that I should be aware of so that I can let the nurse and his other teachers know so that we are accommodating and offering alternatives so that he doesn't get behind with missing work.
John's Mom: No, Mr. Phillips. John is fine. He should not be leaving your classroom that much. It looks like he is starting that again this year with trying to get out of class to goof off or God knows what. He knows that my husband and I have told him repeatedly that he the only way he is to be leaving any classrooms is for emergencies, and I'd prefer him to ask to go to the nurse is he is feeling ill or something along those lines.
Mr. Phillips: Oh, I see. Thank you so much for that insight. That helps me out a lot. So, moving forward, how would you like me to address this because I don't want to deny him restroom privileges, but I don't want him getting behind with the work either.
John's Mom: Please do not let him leave your classroom. My husband and I will be having a long talk with him about this. He is only to go to the restroom in between classes because he doesn't need to miss any work. Mr. Phillips, I appreciate this phone call. Please let me know if he starts trying this again.
Mr. Phillips: Thank you for all of your help in this matter. I appreciate it. I will keep you and your husband updated with any other issues or concerns that may arise. Have a great rest of your day.
John's Mom: You too. Goodbye!
This was just one approach that could have been used to attack that issue. The main point that Mr. Phillips needed to get across was the loss of instructional time, and he needed him in the classroom as much as possible. The child's motive to get out of class, as relayed to him by the parent, is irrelevant to the bottom line at this point in time. Sometimes with communication and trying to relay the correct message, our feelings can sometimes get in the way for various reasons. When we can carefully decipher what the bottom line is and craft that message appropriately, the end results can work in our favor a significant amount of the time. Now, don't get me wrong, we know that this will not work all the time. However, trying to craft the message as best as we can may eliminate some degree of negativity.
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