Student: Mr. Phillips, here is your 50 cents.
Me: I was just kidding with you. Keep that for another snack or something.
Student: Really? Well, can I go back up to go through the line?
Me (After laughing): Just save it for tomorrow.
Student: Okay. True, true. Thanks.
Adult standing near me: Did you give him money?
Me: Yes
Adult standing near me: Did he do something good, or did you reward him for something?
Me: No. Are you telling me that you've never had a student ask you for 50 cents or a dollar while in your classroom before lunch or while you are in the cafeteria?
Adult standing near me: NO RESPONSE TO MY QUESTION
Me: I've been this way my entire career when it comes to kids and little things like this.
As an Associate Principal, I can only hope that the above interaction provided a learning experience for the student and the adult. I will start with the student. The student is one that briefly spent time with us last year, moved, and then returned to us this year after Christmas. The student never really opened up or tried to allow the adults in our school to build a relationship with him, as evidenced by the student's discipline record from last year and immediately after he returned. What the adult standing near me didn't know was that after meeting with this student's parent before he returned to our school, I gained more insight into the student. The student lives in a multi-family household with a single mother, not true male figures in his life, and he has trust issues. Ever since that meeting, I have been trying different tactics to build a relationship every time I see him at arrival time, hallway transitions, and in the cafeteria. Considering the student's living situation as explained by his mother, "extra food" at home is probably not the norm so I didn't hesitate giving the student a dollar for extra food or snacks. The fact that the student asked me and attempted to return my change as I jokingly asked him was huge for me. It showed me that I was getting somewhere with him. As educators, we have to take any and all opportunities to break down the walls that students have up. Then, and only then, can we begin to reach and teach them.
As for the adult standing near me for the second part of my exchange with the student, I hope this opened his or her eyes up to the fact that he or she must realize and truly learn the population we are serving. Any and all interactions must be meaningful in some way. Things we do for kids or don't do for kids shouldn't always hinge upon a token or reward system that centers on our thinking, ideologies, and biases. We must set those expectations and model them for the kids. I was intentional about modeling for this student the behavior, attitude, and care that needs to be exhibited to kids, and in turn, when possible, the student could in turn display those same traits in his home and school communities. I know that there are instances where we must be mindful of what kids are asking us for, but for things that deal with anything falling within that base of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, educators must do what they can to either help if possible or direct them towards help. We must not let ANY teachable moment pass us by, even in the cafeteria.
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